<b>DEAR ANN:</b> Our son has become engaged to a lovely girl. They are living near us, and will probably be married here, although her parents live out of state.

Is it proper for us to put an engagement announcement in our local paper?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>Traditionally, the bride, parents of the bride and/or her family are the ones to write the engagement announcement and send it to their local newspaper, as well as to out-of-town newspapers. If they decline to do so, you may make the offer to the couple and let them decide. (Today, as couples are often marrying later, they sometimes write their own announcements.)

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>What is "crossover time"? I am looking at a band for our wedding reception, and the leader said that it would cost more money, as I wanted services for "crossover time." I felt silly not knowing what that was.

<b>DEAR READER: </b>"Crossover time" is one of several terms bands use to describe event times that are scheduled in the middle of the day.

Many bands like to be available to perform at two weddings per day. Some bands like to do one wedding from noon-4 p.m. and another engagement from 6-10 p.m. or later. Thus, if someone wants a band to play from 3-7 p.m., this would mean the band could play only for that one event, and so, to make up the difference, the band may charge an additional fee.

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>My daughter is engaged and is being married in early November. Several people have asked when I am planning to schedule her shower so that they can plan ahead.

In my day, it was unthinkable for the mother of the bride or any other close relative to host a shower, as it looked like a "grab for gifts." Has that changed? I was not planning to throw a shower. Am I supposed to?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>No, you are not "supposed to," as traditionally, close relatives do not host showers. While they may be held at the homes of family members for the sake of geographical convenience, the hosts are wedding attendants or friends of the bride, groom and/or their families.

<b>DEAR ANN:</b> What does it mean when a band plays "New York style"? Is it a type of music like swing?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>No, "New York style" is a phrase that refers to hiring a band for a certain kind of uninterrupted music service.

Traditionally, hosts supply a hot meal to the band they engage when the band takes a break as a group.

In "New York style," also known as "continuous play," the band members are fed individually so that the band plays throughout the event, taking no breaks as a group. Such a band is usually versatile and large enough so that each band member plays more than one instrument, and one can cover for another during dining sessions.

<b>DEAR ANN:</b> I work in an office where one of the secretaries is getting married. She has invited me, but not my husband. She knows I am married. The invitation clearly was addressed to me only.

<b>What do I do? </b>I don't want to mention the error to her, nor discuss it with other office personnel, even though I suspect they are in the same boat as I am. I fear her thinking is such that because she doesn't know our husbands, she doesn't have to invite them.

<b>DEAR READER: </b>While many "rules" have changed, this one has not. Unless the event is for women only, the spouse, fiance or significant other is always invited whether the bride or groom knows him or not. In my view, it would be appropriate to politely decline the invitation unless the bride-to-be sees her faux pas and reissues an invitation to the two of you.

<b>DEAR ANN:</b> My husband and I received a wedding invitation. The reply card offers us a choice of chicken or steak. We are vegetarians. Do we not check either one, and request a veggie meal instead?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>No, kind guests do not make such a request of a host. The hosts are offering chicken or steak only. Check one or the other, attend the wedding, eat the vegetarian part, (salad, fruit, starch, etc.) and leave the rest.

If you're still hungry, plan to dine out on the way home.