<b>DEAR ANN: </b>Now that New Hampshire has civil unions, my partner of 17 years and I want to have one, but we feel, that to us, it is a marriage. The phrase "civil union" sounds cold to us, and we don't think it sounds too elegant on an invitation. Can we have invitations that use the word "marriage" or "wedding" instead of the words "civil union"?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>Yes, of course, you can call your joining anything you want. Laws do not control the phrasing of social invitations. Legally, your officiant will be performing a civil union ceremony, but socially, you can refer to the ceremony any way you like.

Additionally, if you are interested, some churches now perform blessing ceremonies, and if this appeals to you, an online search for such a church should help.

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>I am a bride-to-be. My brother is my only sibling. Is it strange to ask him to be my "person of honor"? My husband-to-be was going to be traditional and invite him to be a groomsman, but I really want my brother to stand up for me.

<b>DEAR READER: </b>By all means, ask your brother to be your honor attendant. He can enter with the other men and take his place next to you, or can process down the aisle right in front of you, just as a maid or matron of honor would do.

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>I have received an invitation from a gay couple to a civil union ceremony and reception. While I have some gay friends, I don't approve of these unions. How do I refuse and politely tell them why I am not attending?

<b>DEAR READER:</b> An invitation does one thing. It asks a guest to attend an event. It is not a document asking a guest to pronounce judgment on another's life.

If you are free that day and want to wish the couple happiness, then accept. If you are not available to attend, then send regrets. No explanation of refusal is necessary; such is moot.

<b>DEAR ANN:</b> My father is deceased, and there is no other important man in my life that I could ask to escort me down the aisle. Any ideas?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>You could ask your mother or other relative to do the honors, or walk down the aisle alone (and perhaps have your groom meet you halfway).

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>I am getting married, and my only brother is my best man. My mother would never ask, but I know that it would mean the world to her to have one of us to escort her down the aisle, rather than a random usher. Is it OK for one of us to do that?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>Sure. Having your brother usher your mother would work best, as it would keep you as the groom from seeing the bride before the wedding. Simply set up the format so that your brother lines up with the bridal party, escorts Mother and returns to you at the altar after Mother is seated.

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>My father has passed away. How do I get my mother back down the aisle without an escort? (The wedding is formal.)

<b>DEAR READER:</b> Have a formal recessional. It works this way: After the ushers escort the maids back down the aisle, two of them pair up and return to the front pews. The first usher escorts the mother of the bride out first, and the second usher offers his arm to the mother of the groom. If accompanied, the mother of the groom's escort follows her back down the aisle when she takes the arm of her usher.

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>My wedding is during the holiday season, on Dec. 20. We are having guests from all kinds of backgrounds, faiths and ethnicities. We are having a formal receiving line.

My fiance, parents and I cannot agree on whether to say "happy holidays" or "merry Christmas," "happy Hanukkah," happy Kwanzaa," etc., to guests as they pass through the line. Help!

<b>DEAR READER:</b> In my view, the answer is simple. As long as you know your guests and what they celebrate, greet them according to that holiday and save "happy holidays" for those whose celebratory holiday is unknown to you.

With December being a month for many celebrations, there are many choices, and for the unknown, "happy holidays" covers them all.