<b>DEAR ANN: </b>We had planned to take out a loan for an extra fabulous wedding. . . . Now, our jobs may be in jeopardy and we need to economize . . . and toss away the loan idea. Our parents cannot afford to help . . . . Any suggestions?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>With the current economy, be careful before signing on any dotted lines.

Eschew all loans.

Shrink the guest list. (Interestingly, I am seeing that some clients' wedding guests, from out of state, are now sending RSVPs that they will not be able to afford to travel to the wedding as planned.)

Plan an afternoon ceremony that does not require a "meal reception." For example, have a simple church parlor reception of punch and cake, or perhaps have a lovely tea reception.

If you are having a church wedding, use the flowers that are already there. (Some churches keep a few silk arrangements on hand for just such situations).

Have the bridesmaids carry a single long-stemmed rose rather than a bouquet.

Have the groomsmen wear their own dark suits, saving them rental money.

Have a dummy wedding cake, with only one layer to cut your shared slice. Then have sheet cakes cut and plated in the kitchen to save money.

Give up the string quartet and go with the church organist.

Have friends take digital photos, and accept their offers of cars and drivers.

Instead of pouring money into nuptials, pour in some heart; use special family items such as Bibles, meaningful family jewelry, vintage gowns and veils to add charm and uniqueness to your marriage ceremony.

<b>DEAR ANN:</b> We are having a winter wedding and are having a coat check room with two attendants. Do we pay them, or do the guests pay them?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>Traditionally, guests pay for nothing at a reception. A guest is a guest. Make arrangements to pay and tip the attendants in advance, and assign someone to make sure the attendants have not placed any tip jars/dishes out on their table. (Ditto at the bar!)

<b>DEAR ANN:</b> The thought of lugging wedding gifts from our wedding in Boston back to our new home in California is daunting. Can we tastefully slip a note into our invitation that suggests our guests should give us checks?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>No.

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>My fiance and I hope to complete a set of very expensive fine china via our wedding gifts. Our bridal registry stores offer little cards to insert into our invitations to inform guests as to where we are registered.

My mother was shocked at this idea and says it is not polite. I think it is practical. Who is right?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>The guest is right! There is no polite way to advise guests on what they "should" give you, what you are hoping for and where they ought to buy an item. It is the guests' prerogative to ask you where you are registered. It is also their prerogative to not inquire, and to select a gift within their means at a shop of their choosing.

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>In having a formal wedding, we don't want the wait staff referring to all of our guests as "guys." We know many people use this term today, for both men and women, but we don't believe that it is fitting for a bartender at a formal occasion to be saying, "So, what can I get for you guys?"

How do I find a place that has wait staff who know better than to use the word "guys"?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>Check out "the reception" at the reception sites you are considering! If you and your fiance are greeted with "Hi, guys!" then you know right away that the place is not for you.

(Expressing your displeasure to the individual who greets you may not result in meeting your needs.)

Often, golf and country clubs forbid this kind of slang and have staff who will always refer to all men as sir and all women as ma'am. Members are usually referred to by name, but always in the formal address of Mr. Smith or Mrs. Brown - never by their first name. Perhaps such a club may work well for you.

Explore other sites by visiting as many as you can and listen well to their phrasings and dialogues.

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>My mother said that when she, and even her grandmother, wed, only the bride's photo was in the newspapers. Is this true?

<b>DEAR READER:</b> Yes, pre-1970s found only the bride's photo appearing in the papers. The photo was taken one-two months ahead of time, called a pre-bridal portrait and featured a dummy bouquet.

This was the era of handwritten RSVPs rather than reply cards; of white, not colored, flowers; of black engraved ivory vellum invitations; and of black, not white limousines.

It was a rather elegant, although staid, time.