<b>DEAR ANN: </b>My fiance and I want to be married in a church of a religion that my father says he will not set foot in, because he said the rector there was unkind to someone he knows years ago.

However, my fiance and I really want to be wed there, as we don't have any problems with it, and I want my dad to give me away. What can we do?

<b>DEAR READER:</b>Perhaps your father can reconsider by asking himself if the event is about him or about you.

Stepping into the church is fine for him to avoid doing when it comes to joining and attending the church as a member himself. However, it is quite a different thing to refuse to set foot in the church when the occasion is about someone other than him.

Surely he would not want to "cut off his nose to spite his face." Attending a service for someone else - such as a funeral, a memorial, a wedding or christening - has nothing to do with his beliefs.

Attending such a service means he understands that all of life is not always all about him and what he wants, and that because the wedding is not his, he is free to attend the service, as doing so will not compromise his beliefs.

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>We are planning to have a receiving line for our daughter's wedding. She has a habit of saying, "Hi, there," when greeting people. I pick battles with my daughter, and I need someone else to tell her that this kind of greeting is not proper, so I write to ask you to do it for me.

<b>DEAR READER:</b> While "Hi, there" is not improper, it is considered by many to be the most impersonal of greetings. Additionally, in a receiving line, the traditional greeting would be, "Hello, Ms. Doe, we are so delighted that you could attend our wedding."

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>Do the groomsmen belong in the receiving line?

<b>DEAR READER: T</b>oday, there are two kinds of receiving-line styles.

The traditional one lines up in this order: mother of the bride, mother of the groom, bride, groom, maid of honor, all bridesmaids.

The other is the contemporary version: parents of the bride, the bride and groom, parents of the groom.

<b>DEAR ANN:</b> My daughter is engaged to be married. I am wondering about who pays for what . . . in this economy! I've been looking at wedding Web sites and some indicate the traditional rules may have changed. What do you think?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>Traditionally, the bride and/or her family pay for everything except the engagement ring, her wedding ring, the rehearsal dinner, the usher/groomsmens' lodging and attire, the officiant's fee (which is not the church use fee), certain flowers and the honeymoon.

Today, many couples are getting married at 32 instead of 22 and are paying for their own weddings. So first, have a chat with your daughter and see what she has in mind and advise her as to what you have in mind. Then sit down with both her and her fiance and discuss your ideas.

Regardless of the economy, if you wish to be traditional, the bride's family acts as hosts for the wedding, determining and bearing the size and expense.

The guest list is usually equally divided by three regardless of who is paying:

Bride's family and friends.

Groom's family and friends.

The couple's friends.

As to the rules changing in regard to who pays for what, traditionally, the bride's parents do not approach the groom's parents and ask for funding. They offer the bride and groom the kind of wedding they can comfortably afford without having to borrow money.

If, however, the groom' s family wishes to help out financially, that is usually done in a rather delicate manner in which the groom's parents offer "financial support" to the groom. He then discusses the offer with his bride-to-be. She in turn goes to her parents and says, "My fiance's parents are interested in helping with the wedding. Will you accept it?"

From there, the bride's parents decline politely through the kids or welcome funding from the groom and/or his family. If they welcome financial assistance, they usually ask for what the groom's parents would like to pay. It is always best if the groom's family takes one or more vendors and pays for them.

Putting money into a large pool is a recipe for disaster; all control is lost and arguments begin. It is far better to allow the groom's family to work with the couple on their own to pick and pay for a photographer, limos, flowers, etc.

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>Back when I was married, most parents hosted an after-wedding party, i.e., after the reception, at their homes. Is this still done today?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>Back in the day, many weddings were held during daytime hours, and so after the reception, guests repaired to the home of either the bride or groom's parents. This has been changed mainly because so many weddings are now held in the evening. So instead, many parents offer a brunch the next day.

<b>DEAR ANN:</b> Our only son is about to be married. We want to host the wedding, invite several hundred guests and are willing to pay for it all. The bride's family cannot afford to have as many guests as we want to invite. How do we go about hosting the wedding?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>This can only happen if the bride and groom want to accept your offer. Traditionally, the parents of the bride have first refusal on hosting the wedding. If the bride's parents are hosting the wedding and your guest list needs to be restrained, accept the decision and focus on your own event, the rehearsal dinner. (Make sure the rehearsal dinner does not eclipse the wedding reception.)

<b>DEAR ANN: </b>Can I have a huge rehearsal dinner and invite those friends of mine who I have had to chop off the wedding guest list?

<b>DEAR READER: </b>No, rehearsal dinner guest lists never include people who are not invited to the wedding. One way to solve your dilemma is to wait until the couple return from their honeymoon and host a special party for them. Be sure to invite the bride's parents.