DEAR ANN: My cousin has asked me to do a reading at her wedding. She is Catholic; I am not. In the reading, I have to refer to “Benedict, our pope.” Benedict is not my pope. … Should I speak up and ask for a different reading … or suck it up?

DEAR READER: If it were your wedding, then you’d have a say. It is your cousin’s wedding; so, this is not about you. Therefore, you can do one of two things: accept the honor of being asked to be a reader and read as directed, or politely decline (no reason is necessary).

DEAR ANN: With gay marriage now being New Hampshire law, do all New Hampshire churches now permit gay marriage?

DEAR READER: Some do. The Gay Marriage Law is about civil marriage ceremonies that have been allowed for years for straight couples. The new law means the right to marry in New Hampshire has now been extended to all adults regardless of sexual orientation.

Some churches may elect to embrace this and marry gay couples in their houses of worship. Others may choose to restrict their marriage ceremonies to straight couples only.

Churches are private institutions. Call your church for more information on its regulations.

DEAR ANN: Every year, it seems I disappoint my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. She seems to have some expectation I fail to meet, but I never know what it is.

This year, I want to get it right. Any ideas?

DEAR READER: Ask her what she wants! She is not entitled to have expectations if she has not voiced her desires. You are not a mind reader, and she cannot have any expectations of you if she hasn’t been open about what she is hoping for from you.

Too often, media and movies emphasize the surprises, the big gifts. However, many tried and true relationships arrived at their status of longevity by having both partners being open and forthcoming.

You are not responsible for her happiness, she is – just as you are responsible for your own happiness. So, sit down, and have a chat. Ask her what would please her, and tell her what would please you. Go beyond coy hinting and express hopes frankly.

Being romantic means listening and being caring and considerate. It does not have to mean being swept off one’s feet by grand gestures.

DEAR ANN: Recently, I was trying to shop in a store, and encountered several employees who were complaining to each other about their workload inventorying lots of items. It bothered me, and I wanted to say something, but didn’t; I felt uncomfortable and left with no purchases.

What is the best way to handle letting the store know that I was disappointed in their employees’ behavior?

DEAR READER: Tell them! One approach is to return home and call the manager, or call or write to the company headquarters and share that their employees have made your shopping experience unpleasant; that you will not be shopping there again until they educate their employees about ways to handle complaints in private.

DEAR ANN: In your view what is the single most important thing about planning our wedding? We just got engaged.

DEAR READER: The single most important thing about planning a wedding is the budget. Have the best wedding you can afford without going into debt, without taking out a loan, without borrowing any money from anyone at all – not a penny.

DEAR ANN: I was at a wedding reception at a hall last month. It was a buffet. At the end of the line, there was another small table with an open photo album. The album showed photos of the caterer’s previous work and events; they had business cards on the table, too!

Then, for a favor we received a photo of the couple with a sticker touting the photographer’s name and contact info. The DJ put out business cards.

I was mortified. Is this something new?

DEAR READER: No, this is not a new trend. Perhaps these vendors and couple did not know that such a display is considered inappropriate and commercial. One surely would not feature such a display at a home dinner party event. Just because the event was in a hall does not mean that the event should suddenly become a commercial opportunity for vendors to advertise their services.

Vendors who engage in such commercialism may be surprised to learn that such displays can turn off many potential customers. This goes for all vendors, from the officiant to the organist to the florist, band and photographer.

To guarantee this, couples can add a “No Commercial Endeavor” line to their contracts and explain to vendors that any display of business cards will be removed by wait staff or by designated family members.

Interested guests can always contact the bride and groom after the reception and ask for the names of the vendors.

SUGGESTION TO ALL WHO ARE ENGAGED: When you announce your engagement in The Telegraph, do not state the proposed actual wedding date. That is, do not alert potential burglars to the date on which no one will be home! Simply cite the season, as in, “The wedding will be held in the spring.”

Ann Connell Bergin, of Amherst, is a New Hampshire event planner, etiquette adviser and justice of the peace. She welcomes your questions. E-mail her at Bridalwed@aol.com.