DEAR ANN: My daughter is only 8 and wants to dress like some of the teenage dolls her friend has. Those styles are not appropriate for my child.
I am finding it frustrating to take her shopping and see that she and I are choosing totally different clothes for her to try on.
A recent trip to a mall major anchor store found her admiring a top that featured a pink and black skull and crossbones print. I was horrified. She is dying for it (no pun intended).
I do not want her to wear such “dark” attire, nor do I want her to bare her midriff and look … well … cheap. How do I steer her away?
DEAR READER: You can do a couple of things.
First, take charge, tell her that you are paying for her clothes and so you alone will pick them out, and when she is ready to pay for her own, she can select her own.
Or, perhaps if she is agreeable, you can go back to the store with her and you can pick out several outfits and from those, she can make her choices.
Additionally, if you have time, you can jot down the names of the manufacturers whose clothing you will not buy and write, call or e-mail and tell them why.
Companies know that if one person takes the time to contact them, there are 500 more who feel the same way. Manufacturers want to sell, and if few folks buy, they’ll go a new route.
You may want to check out the book “So Sexy So Soon” by Jean Kilbourne and Diane E. Levi. I have heard it is a helpful road map for parents to help them deal with popular culture’s approach to sexualizing kids too soon.
Additionally, teach your kids to be polite but firm activists; watch TV and YouTube with them, and make a point of not buying products from advertisers whose shows assault your sensibilities. Engage your kids in e-mailing, writing and/or calling the advertisers and tell them why you refuse to buy their product; money talks.
DEAR ANN: I was part of a recent active verbal exchange, during which someone announced that everyone had to respect his religious beliefs.
I was stymied because I don’t respect his belief system, yet I did not want to escalate the talk into a genuine argument.
How does one graciously handle such a situation?
DEAR READER: One handles it by simply knowing that one can respect another’s right to having a particular belief without having to respect the actual belief itself.
Agree to disagree and move on.
DEAR ANN: We have been invited to a formal wedding, so I am scrambling trying to help my teenage kids learn some table manners.
Where do their napkins go when they leave the table at a wedding reception to go to the restroom? Do they put it on their chair seat or chair back? Also when eating soup, do they move the spoon toward them or away from them?
DEAR READER: Wonderful! Having good manners can always help them feel comfortable and confident as they attend social events in the years ahead.
One places his or her napkin to the left of the dinner plate, loosely and lumpily folded in half, when leaving the table. Upon returning, one puts it back into the lap. (Some venues have staff whose sole task it is to hand the napkin back to the diner, so keep an eye out!)
One consumes soup by dipping the spoon into the soup contained in the soup plate, filling the bowl of the spoon and then moving the spoon away from oneself as it is lifted out of the soup plate and up toward the mouth.
DEAR ANN: We are getting married on a budget, as are many these days.
What are some of the reception’s hidden costs to be aware of?
DEAR READER: Many sites and/or caterers have standard fees that are not always apparent to folks who have never hosted an event in a professional setting. So-called hidden fees can include taxes and gratuities, as well as taxes on the gratuity per state. (Yes, some states tax not just the food cost, but also the cost of food and gratuity together; check the state law in which your site is located.)
Additionally, several years ago, room rental fees were never charged because the cost of food and drink was considered to be enough. Then, one by one, venues began adding room rental fees to their overall picture.
There are further fees one can ask about, such as cake cutting or plating fees and corkage fees per bottle, so it is always wise to read the fine print!
DEAR ANN: My friend and I disagree: When I send regrets, do I have to say why I am not going to attend?
DEAR READER: No, you do not. Declining with a polite “Oh, I am so sorry I cannot make it; I have other plans” is just fine.
If you wish to include additional information, that is fine; however, it is not necessary.
DEAR ANN: We are engaged, and just rented the film “Father of The Bride” with Steve Martin. It portrayed him as being upset that he had to pay for the airfare of relatives to attend the wedding.
Do we pay for relatives’ travel costs? Is that traditional?
DEAR READER: Absolutely not! You can if you want to, but the couple and their families have never been obliged to pay for anyone’s transportation.
Yes, they are expected to provide lodging for the bridesmaids and ushers, usually in the homes of friends or at hotels, but never the transportation – which is perhaps, why that film is considered to be a comedy!
Ann Connell Bergin, of Amherst, is a New Hampshire event planner, etiquette adviser and justice of the peace. She welcomes your questions. E-mail her at Bridalwed@aol.com, and follow her on Twitter at @AnnCBergin.