DEAR ANN: The world is changing faster than I imagined. Our son is a freshman in high school, and we are trying to help him decide about college and careers. He is an average student, a good kid.
We have enough money saved up for only one year of college, so debt is a part of his and our future if he goes to college.
Should he go? Should we spend the money? Should he spend the money? What kind of future awaits him? Will he have a job rather than a career?
DEAR READER: That’s a lot of questions.
Even with big tax cuts, it seems politicians cannot create jobs; manufacturing will not come back to the U.S. as long as offshore, international workers demand a far smaller wage than U.S. workers demand. Thus, U.S. job creation could well come about via invention.
For example, the “green” industry will surely grow, as cheaper, safer forms of energy are created, especially within the country. Progressives can help support companies that are innovative and can create products people will need more than want.
Another avenue for your son may be the health care industry, as it will offer jobs because of the aging baby boomers who will need help.
Look at the service world. Plumbers, mechanics and electricians will always be needed. Training for such long-lasting careers is shorter than a four-year college experience and far less costly. Try a community college.
It is really important to assess how much money his education will cost and what the return will be for him and for you.
In January 2009, ABC-TV did an interesting news magazine show that discussed this issue; see more at http://abcnews.go.com/Business/Economy/story?id=6654468&page=1.
The headline is, “Some debt-laden graduates wonder why they bothered with college; many young professionals are stuck with low-paying jobs and large student loans.”
This is the dilemma of the next generation. The parents of yesteryear scrimped and saved to send my generation to college.
Scrimping meant parents went to a movie only occasionally and shared one soda after the show, and that enabled them to save enough money to send several children to four-year private colleges with no debt.
Vacations were two weeks at a cottage. Boys’ haircuts were done at home. Girls had a home perm.
It appears we may have to have return to those times. It will take that, and more, for an average family to send one child to college. No trips to Disney, no mani-pedis, no dining out – no extras.
The best way to help your son is to get real with him about the new world he faces, and do it in a way that starts him on the road to reality now, with a part-time job in which he banks a high percentage of his income for his further education.
DEAR ANN: I cannot afford much of a present, but have been invited to a wedding and have sent my acceptance.
Would it be all right to give a card with a little cash in it?
DEAR READER: Yes, well, sort of. Money is a lovely gift – although giving it in cash is chancy, as it can be stolen from the mail or from wedding reception “card boxes,” so it is best to write a check.
You may get more bang for your buck, though, if you go to discount stores, where one can often find lovely items for less money and choose something appropriate – even for under $15!
Further, the sale section at discount shops often has beautiful gifts, such as vases, servers, trays and candlesticks for even less.
DEAR ANN: Who pays for the bride’s bouquet? The bridesmaid’s bouquets?
DEAR READER: Traditionally, the groom pays for the bride’s bouquet; it is one of his gifts to her. She advises the florist about her preferences, including the size and shape of the bouquet.
The bride and/or her family pay for the bridesmaids’ bouquets, as well as those of the flower girl.
DEAR ANN: I am new to cyberspace. Do I have to answer every e-mail that is sent to me? Is it rude if I do not reply?
DEAR READER: It is best to reply to all e-mail that is sent to you by an individual. However, one does not have to reply to e-mail sent as a joke, as an advertisement or to a large group.
DEAR ANN: We have bought our first home, and a friend is co-hosting a housewarming for us. Since we know people will bring gifts, should we register somewhere? Should she add that registry info to the invitation?
DEAR READER: These days, I have heard that one can register for anything, so it could be handy for someone who wants to send you a gift, and asks where you are registered.
However, one does not put any gift info into the invitation. It is a breach of etiquette to even imply that guests are expected to bring a gift.
DEAR ANN: Our parents’ anniversary is coming up. How do we say “no gifts”?
DEAR READER: Some like to say, “We request the present of your presence,” but that’s about it. It is a breach of etiquette to demand that guests bring – or not bring – a gift.
DEAR ANN: My daughter is expecting her first baby. I told my best friend that I was so excited because it meant I could give my daughter a shower. My friend told me that grandmothers do not give showers. I cannot believe it. Is this true?
DEAR READER: Yes it is true. Showers of any kind are given by friends or distant family, not by immediate or close family.
DEAR ANN: I am hosting a meeting in my home. It is my first time, and although it is not really entertaining, I am wondering what do I do when the land-line phone rings?
DEAR READER: Some hosts take the phone off the hook when people are over, especially if they have voice-mail and if the guests are only there for an hour or two.
However, others simply answer the phone in another room so as to not disrupt the meeting, get the name and tell the caller they will speak later.
The same goes for a visitor in the house. Answer the call, take the message and call back, returning all attention to the host.
Ann Connell Bergin, of Amherst, is a New Hampshire event planner, etiquette adviser and justice of the peace. She welcomes your questions. E-mail her at Bridalwed@aol.com, and follow her on Twitter at @AnnCBergin.