DEAR ANN: Veterans Day will be here soon, and I’d like to celebrate this holiday for my retired military friends. Any ideas?
DEAR READER: Traditionally, folks observe rather than celebrate days such as Veterans Day and Memorial Day. Veterans Day is to honor all who served, both living and deceased, while Memorial Day is to honor all those who died in the line of duty. Many people honor soldiers on these days, and now they also like to include Foreign Service officers, firefighters, police and EMS personnel who place themselves in harm’s way as part of their profession.
A handwritten note of thanks to loved ones who serve is probably the best way I can think of to share your appreciative thoughts. If nearby, a personal visit with a homemade goodie is sure to convey gratitude.
DEAR ANN: With the recent election, I found myself on the opposite side of the fence from some of my friends. Some of the people I backed won, some didn’t. When we see each other again, as we soon will at an upcoming tea, is it appropriate to bring up the subject of election results in a purely social situation?
DEAR READER: This election and its primary were of great interest, and when the final election occurred on Tuesday, it was over; the choices were set in stone and everyone can move on as best they can.
Congratulate those whose candidates won and say nothing about those whose lost unless the candidate’s backer raises the issue – and then, it is best to be kind.
DEAR ANN: My best friend has called to tell me that she heard my sister, age 63, is taking out a loan to get some plastic-surgical enhancements. I have not heard this and am astounded and very annoyed with her. So, I am wondering if I should ask my sister if this is true and advise her against it.
DEAR READER: I’d say spend not a second being astounded and annoyed, as this is about her, not anyone else. So, why bother to form an opinion about something that is solely her business? Further, if she wants input, she will ask for it.
She may need more kindness than unsolicited advice right now. Biding time and being sympathetic might be the best pathway to take.
DEAR ANN: We are getting married, and my fiance and I are working well on our plans together. However, he has a cousin who is a professional DJ and would like to send him our business. I met with the cousin. He is likeable, but had some really hokey ideas, and I am not sure I want to hire him.
I have seen some weddings nearly ruined by goofy announcers (band leaders, DJs and even clergy) who think their job is to provide humor in their presidings. Is it wise to hire relatives?
Also, the cousin DJ has this idea that he is supposed to “announce” us at the reception as we skip/run though an arch made by the maids and ushers putting their hands in the air. I was quite startled by this idea; it sounded like the child’s game London Bridge to me!
I have never seen this done – or am I out of the loop in new wedding reception arrival trends?
DEAR READER: To answer the first query, I do not believe it to be wise to hire relatives; my policy is to give family members any professional services I can, but to never do business with them.
As to the DJ’s announcing, I haven’t seen this done for years. Now the trend seems to be toward sophisticated elegance.
Often, guests and attendants are seated, the music begins and the couple floats onto the dance floor for a few spins with no announcements or parade of attendants; they then follow on to their own seats and the dinner begins.
However, sometimes all take their seats and then the festivities begin with the host’s words of welcome, followed by blessings and toasts, with no twirl onto the dance floor until after the meal or after the cake cutting.
DEAR ANN: My friend is having a 50th birthday, and I want to give her a special gift certificate. Is it best to select something unique and different that I think she may like, or best to stay with tried and true things that I know will please her?
DEAR READER: It depends. Some may appreciate the new and untried, but if using the gift certificate takes time and travel, or is for something that must be scheduled, it may take her a long time to use.
Often, a gift card to places she already patronizes may be happily received, as both she and you know it is something she will really use and enjoy.
DEAR ANN: I am researching wedding history; is it true that it used to only be the bride’s photo in the newspaper?
DEAR READER: Yes. There was even a time when a “proper” woman’s name appeared in a newspaper only three times during her life: her birth, her marriage and her death. It changed over the years to include photos by World War I.
The photo in the newspaper was called a pre-bridal photo. There was no groom in the picture, and the shot was taken eight to 10 weeks in advance, so the alterations of the dress and veil were done way ahead of time and delivered to the photographer’s studio.
The newspaper article was written by the bride’s mother and was sent in to the papers with the photo four to six weeks ahead of the wedding so the newspaper announcement appeared in the Sunday paper the next day!
The write-up included every detail, even what the mothers wore, and did not change until the 1980s, when the groom’s photo began to appear. Things change; nothing stays the same!
Ann Connell Bergin, of Amherst, is a New Hampshire event planner, etiquette adviser and justice of the peace. She welcomes your questions. E-mail her at Bridalwed@aol.com, and follow her on Twitter at @AnnCBergin.