DEAR ANN: My engaged daughter tells me that today, a nice hotel or country club wedding and reception for 125-150 guests runs in total about $40,000-$50,000. Is it so?
DEAR READER: Yes, a wedding has always been comparable to the cost of a new car or a year of college, although there is a cost range in all three.
For a sit-down dinner in a nice venue, expect to pay more than $100 per guest for cocktails, hors d’oeuvres, wine, dinner, and the tax and gratuity fees that accompany the event.
Added expenses can include ballroom rental, music, cake, photography, flowers, videographer, ceremonial officiant, ceremony music, invitations, postage, limousines and tips.
To that, add gown, veil, tux, parents’ attire, invitations, and any travel and lodging for the couple and parents.
Three kinds of venues can be less expensive:
n Restaurants with private rooms can be less expensive than hotels and clubs. They may not offer an elaborate setting, but may be more budget friendly. However, be sure to check on minimums and fine print before signing a contract. Some places have minimums that one must spend on food and beverage.
n Banquet hall sites that do their own catering can be less expensive. The dinners usually start at about half the cost of that of a hotel or club menu.
n There are non-catering halls to which one has to bring in an outside caterer. These could be meeting sites for fraternal organizations such as the VFW, Moose and Elks or church halls.
Additionally, if you want to serve alcohol, it’s wise to ask whether the hall allows liquor, because some do not and some require added insurance. Look under fraternal organizations in Google to see who rents out halls in your area.
Be sure to check to see if a site includes tables and chairs, linens, dishes and flatware. If not, plan to rent – and be sure to ask for real forks, or you could end up with plastic at some of the sites.
Hall weddings can save money, but can be more legwork!
DEAR ANN: Are wedding packages at reception sites a good deal?
DEAR READER: It depends. The only kind of package that’s valid, in my view, is the kind that offers a price and includes the following: A time frame, such as a five-hour reception, wedding planner/coordinator services, a champagne toast, linens, napkins, hors d’oeuvres and a meal that offers choices of food and prices – and perhaps a cake.
Mainly, you get food services only, and are still able to hire all your own vendors separately. Thus, the package I would embrace would be one from the venue that includes only their own food services.
However, if you are looking at a site’s package that offers flowers, photographer, band/disc jockey, etc., in my view, it is not of real value, as you are limited to their choice of vendors and their allotted amounts for expenditures.
So, if you use a facility that caters for you, make sure you are free to use your own florist, DJ, etc., without penalty.
DEAR ANN: Can we save a lot of money by having our wedding reception in a tent at my parents’ home?
DEAR READER: Save money? In a word, no. Tented receptions are wonderful, and I have project-managed many; it is like building a hotel in your backyard for the day. They are very special and unique – but will usually cost about the same as an indoor venue.
DEAR ANN: We really need to save money on our wedding. Help!
Here are some thoughts:
If you get married between 1 and 3 p.m., you can save on reception food and do light fare. That time of day is too late for lunch, as people have already eaten, and it’s too early for dinner.
Next, you could skip the dancing and do an elegant tea – especially if you want to cut your liquor budget. You could serve a champagne punch, tea sandwiches and wedding cake and have strolling violinists. Voila!
Cutting the numbers down to just immediate family can save a lot of money, and the couple can still have some funding for special attire and some lovely flowers and photos.
Another area in which to save is to ask friends to lodge the attendants. Typically, the couple’s parents pay for lodging, but friend-provided housing is perfectly lovely, as well.
Another cutback is in the area of favors. In New England, they have never been the grand gesture that they have been in other locales. One can eliminate them totally, or do the traditional Jordan almonds.
DEAR ANN: We want a church wedding and a very simple reception. What do you recommend? And how do I alert my guests that I am not having the hoop-de-do that they may be expecting?
DEAR READER: You can find your answer when you look to the South! There are still many places down South where the standard wedding and reception is held between noon and 4 p.m. with punch and wedding cake only, served after the ceremony, in the church parlor.
The reception card does not say “Reception immediately following the ceremony” like it does for a meal reception; rather, it says:
“Wedding Cake and Punch Reception
“Church – Chapel Hall”
This tells the guest what to expect. Additionally, invitations to a small, informal wedding can be money savers, as traditionally they are handwritten.
DEAR READERS: Couples today can really look hard at the concept of money in general, more than the wedding itself. How best can they put funds to use in their lives together? Is an expensive wedding reception really the way to go for them? Or do they have school loans – debt – or are they saving for a house?
In this economy, are there better ways for them to use their funding? Only the people holding the funding can decide.
Weddings can be special days; what the couple and hosts choose to spend should be comfortably affordable! If money is abundant, a $50,000 wedding is a mere check to write. But if the economy is strapping couples, there are many ways to still have a lovely and special day without the headache of overspending and debt.
Today, people really understand when couples cut funding way back and invite immediate family only to a simple and lovely wedding affair such as a tea at home or a special dinner in a private banquet-site room in a hotel or restaurant.
Going over budget or taking out loans for a non-life-essential event such as an extravagant wedding reception can serve to just stress everyone out, and then controlling can take over – which gives all players a huge headache and can divide families.
A good reality check on wedding planning and budgeting will lead to a memorable day about which all involved can feel wonderful.
Ann Connell Bergin, of Amherst, is a New Hampshire event planner, etiquette adviser and justice of the peace. She welcomes your questions. E-mail her at Bridalwed@aol.com, and follow her on Twitter at @AnnCBergin.