DEAR READERS: By the time this column appears, the royal wedding will have taken place. Tradition watchers may have been eager to see what traditions were followed and which were broken – if any.
What to look for? Would the bride’s gown cover her shoulders? Her arms?
Would she carry an all-white bouquet? Would there be all-white flowers in Westminster Abbey?
Would she have a floral crown for her processional and a jeweled tiara for her recessional? In England, the change is made when the couple leaves the altar and goes in to sign the register. Traditionally, for those who follow protocol, jeweled tiaras are worn by married women.
And to all who wonder, “Why the fuss?” the answer lies in the fact that the monarchy and its activities are a tremendous source of tourism revenue.
I hope you enjoyed the view if you chose to tune in!
Meanwhile, back in America:
DEAR ANN: My fiance and I want to have cupcakes at our wedding instead of wedding cake. Are they considered finger food, or should we order plates and forks for them?
DEAR READER: By all means, order the dessert-size plates and forks from your supplier. They are very necessary, because when a guest bites into a cupcake, it is likely that the frosting can land on the nose, and then possibly drop onto the dress.
Finger-assisted cupcakes may be fine for a picnic or casual party, but misplaced frosting does not go well with the silks and satins one is apt to wear to a wedding.
DEAR ANN: As a nursing mother, I do not want to leave my baby. Recently, my husband and I were invited to a wedding. Our baby is not yet walking, and so she would be sitting in our arms and would not take up any menu food or space.
Should we ask if we can bring her or just show up with her?
DEAR READER: Neither; let your invitation be your guide. If your child’s name is not on the invitation, then she is not invited. Pump some milk, get a sitter and go. If you feel you cannot do that, then decline the invitation.
Asking permission to bring your baby would put the couple in an awkward position – a place they should never be for their wedding day. If they let you bring your child, they would have to do the same for all guests with babies.
DEAR ANN: My boyfriend always grabs a toothpick or two as we leave a restaurant and sort of chews on it. When we bump into friends who are going in while we are departing, I am mortified that they will think he has bad manners; he is very nice in every other way.
DEAR READER: I guess I’d be grateful he is nice in every other way. Trying to control his love for toothpicks may be a challenge.
True, one who has learned good manners does not use toothpicks in public, and finer restaurants would not dream of putting them out for the taking. Using toothpicks, spitting in public, licking one’s knife, scratching the body, sticking one’s finger in one’s ear, etc., can mean that the individual simply has never had a course in manners.
These behaviors are never spoken about to the doer, but they can have consequences. For example, if these acts are done during a dinner interview for a career position, it may result in not receiving a job offer.
DEAR ANN: I have a question about cell-phone etiquette. Is it proper to answer the phone when one is in a public restroom?
DEAR READER: Probably not. It is often wise to not answer a cell phone in any public area unless you want everyone to present to get an earful of your information.
It is best to let the caller leave a message on yours voice mail and then call the person back when you are alone.
DEAR ANN: Our son is being married, and we are hosting the rehearsal dinner. The mother of the bride called to ask me if she could have her 16-year-old niece sing along with the jazz trio we have hired for the evening.
I have never heard her sing; what do I do?
DEAR READER: You could do nothing and just not get back to her, and ignore the request as an intrusion, or you could tell her you will consult with the trio and if they are interested in having her sing with them, they will call her themselves.
This takes you out of the middle and allows the trio to render a professional decision.
DEAR ANN: I know a gay couple who are getting married this summer, and I may be invited to the wedding. They are coworkers. I feel torn because I really like them, but the Bible says this is not correct and I am concerned that gay people are trying to change God’s laws. Should I go if I am invited?
DEAR READER: Like any book, the Bible is open to many interpretations. What you see as God’s laws, someone else may see as merely interesting phrases or stories.
Living in the United States means you have the freedom to apply what you believe are God’s laws to yourself, while your friends have the freedom to apply what they believe are God’s laws to themselves – or they may not have any religious beliefs at all.
You need not agree with their religious beliefs in order to attend their wedding and support them as two human beings you care about. Your charge is to follow your heart and do what befits you without judging anyone else.
Ann Connell Bergin, of Amherst, is a New Hampshire event planner, etiquette adviser and justice of the peace. She welcomes your questions. E-mail her at Bridalwed@aol.com, and follow her on Twitter at @AnnCBergin.