DEAR READERS: Many people see Sunday as the first day of the week, which is especially exciting for those who want to make resolutions and start anew today, Sunday, Jan. 1, 2012 – the first day of the first week of the first month of the brand new year!
Last night, on Dec. 31, 2011, Father Time was ushered out with his beard grown long and white over the preceding 12 months, while the energetic Baby New Year, with all his hopes and dreams, has now appeared on the scene, ready to roll!
Happy New Year to all!
DEAR ANN: All over the Internet, there are all kinds of advice Web sites that try to help make people renew their lives. Do you have any favorites for the New Year?
DEAR READER: Recently, I saw a piece titled “30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself” at www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/18/30-things-to-start-doing-for-yourself.
Here is a sample:
Start being honest with yourself about everything.
Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed.
Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become.
Be honest with every aspect of your life, always, because you are the one person you can forever count on.
Search your soul for the truth so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there.
Then reread the above item, substituting all the “you” phrases with I and my/me. That simple change can make for a far more powerful piece:
Start being honest with myself about everything.
I shall be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed.
I shall be honest about what I want to achieve and who I want to become.
I shall be honest with every aspect of my life, always, because I am the one person I can forever count on.
I shall search my soul for the truth so that I truly know who I am. Once I do, I’ll have a better understanding of where I am now and how I got here, and I’ll be better equipped to identify where I want to go and how to get there.
Thus, turning the advisory and imperative “you” into “I,” with any advice piece or proverb, can make a world of difference in how one perceives it.
DEAR ANN: New Year’s Day is here. How do I keep resolutions and grow into being who I want to become?
DEAR READER: Looking in the mirror is always a good and challenging way to start. And when looking at oneself in the mirror, it can be a great time to take the Self Quiz: some things I began to ask myself one day in a moment of self evaluation.
It is just some simple questions that only the self asks and answers (as one does this, one can create one’s own questions to ponder).
How would I like to be married to myself?
What must it be like to be married to me?
Am I pleasant enough to be my own spouse?
Would I feel well treated if I were married to the person I know as me?
How would I like to be listening to me every night?
Would I hear “please” and “thank you” from me, the spouse, the way friends and acquaintances do?
Would I hear “How can I help?” or “What would you like to do?”
Would I receive plenty of love and consideration from me?
How would I like to have me for a mom or dad?
What would it be like to have me for a parent?
Would I like the level of availability and time I would be receiving from me?
Would I be afraid of me as a parent?
Would I feel loved by me?
Could I appreciate the level of parental hovering and control I would get from me?
Would I feel it is too much? Not enough?
How would I like to have me for a sibling?
Would I feel that I was in competition with me?
Would I feel supported by the level of interest in my life that was shown to me?
Would I be feeling genuinely cheered on in my life by me?
How would I like to have me for a friend?
Would I know with absolute confidence that any secrets I shared with me would never be repeated by me?
Would I know that my issues and problems would not be talked about or gossiped on by me?
Would I feel supported, but not judged, by me?
How would I like to have me for a boss?
Would I feel well treated, respected by me?
Would I be invited by me to share my ideas?
Would I feel a sense of trust with me?
Would I feel properly instructed by me?
How would I like to have myself as a colleague?
Would I feel supported by me?
Would I be undermined by me?
Would I feel manipulated by me?
Would I feel comfortable with me?
Would I believe I was part of a team with me?
How would I like to have me for a teacher?
Would I feel challenged by me?
Would I sense understanding and patience coming from me when I was struggling with learning?
Would I sense that extra help was available from me?
How would I like to have me for a doctor?
Would I feel comforted by me?
Would I hear a voice of concern and caring from me?
Would I feel thoroughly examined by me?
How would I like to have me for a customer in a restaurant?
Would I hear “I’ll have the steak?” from me? Or would I hear “Please, may I have the steak?” along with plenty of “Thanks!” from me when serving and clearing?
What could I expect from me in any relationship?
Would I hear lots of “Atta girl/boy” from me? Or would I hear “You should have …” from me?
Would I sense genuine admiration and affection from me?
Mirror, mirror on the wall, can I look within and hear the call?
DEAR ANN: Once New Year’s Day is over, I tend to lapse into my old ways. How can I “keep on keeping on” with regard to some changes I want to make, but am afraid will not stick?
DEAR READER: Try the 10-Minute Routine.
If, for example, you want to give up smoking, start by having no cigarettes in your home. Tell yourself you will wait 10 minutes before departing to buy cigarettes. Go find something else to do, and by the time you are finished, you may well find that more than 10 minutes have passed.
The next time the desire for a cigarette comes up, repeat the 10-Minute Routine. Doing it over and over again can be enormously successful.
If 10 minutes is too long, do five!
Ann Connell Bergin, of Amherst, is a New Hampshire event planner, etiquette adviser and justice of the peace. She welcomes your questions. E-mail her at Bridalwed@aol.com, and follow her on Twitter at @AnnCBergin.